I think it was the combination of words not often used in everyday conversation that brought my attention back to his story.
"I'm sorry, are you talking about Star Trek... were we even talking about anything remo--"
"No, but I've learned that if you transition with 'speaking of which' or 'on that note', you can plug a Star Trek story into just about any topic."
It had been a long day and the emotional roller-coaster I was on had my world spinning. It felt something like a bad dream gone worse, the lap bar holding me securely refused to release and I was left to make sense of the blurs around me with this crazy motion of my heart. Spiritually speaking, I was slowly being set free, yet at the time all I could feel was the re-breaking of bones that had mistakenly set. Not breaking. Splintering.
..."and it was ridiculous because Data was slowly... and ...."
Embarrassed by my more than usual inattentiveness I was thankful not to be the only one in Sean's audience. I hoped he didn't notice as I tried to catch up nonchalantly. My eyes refocused to the booth we had been lounging in, I sipped some sweet tea and tuned in just in time to hear him wrap things up.
..."so in the end, after all the drama of trying to escape the physical pull of the vortex, they decided to just go through the black hole continuum."
"Right," Courtney had gotten comfortable now, relaxing out of necessity. "What happened?" I assumed she was just being polite. Three nerds had to be above the capacity for one booth, especially one in a college town sports bar.
"The weirdest thing, nothing. After they passed through, everything on the other side was exactly the same. After all that fighting it, the chaos, and confusion with the crew, the projected damage to the ship... they came out unaffected."
I wondered what it was all leading up to. I'm sure we all looked, for a moment, like members of the Enterprise... hoping the far off look in the captains eyes didn't mean what it had in the past.
Full speed ahead. Aye-Aye, captain.
"This totally wasn't where I was going with the story but it just made me realize, that sometimes you can't help but surrender to the circumstance. And when you do, when you let go and hope for miracles, that's when the tragedy ends. It was their fighting with uncertainty that did the damage."
At that moment I knew Sean had received a promise. By obeying the prompting of His heart, stepping out on faith, and sharing his struggles to a group of college aged strangers... he had been set free. He may not have sensed it, his heart had been on a crazy ride, but the guy sitting in front of me was no longer bound to the uncertainty of his struggles. I've loved him as my brother, but now there was an excitement for him, for his life. Maybe it was life I was seeing. A moment of lifted torment, it was brilliant.
I was again taken back by the mysterious way God moves. How he speaks through us to one another, sometimes so that the speaker them-self can hear the needed truth more clearly. With our Abba's infinite power and unrelenting love for us, how do we ever think He wouldn't be blowing us away in things like Star Trek tangents?
Why are my expectations so small? He whispers and by His miraculous grace and love for me...
I hear Him.
It was later that night when I felt myself exhale since... well, since. While twisting my rebellious love-locks, unable to sleep I felt the all too familiar sensation of His peace wash over me. I ache for these moments, have never dictated them, they are a gift every time. I had been thinking of Sean's story, replaying the night. His testimony, our conversations, the many things I've felt God doing all around me. All beneath the gripping, pressing, and dissolving of my heart.
Go ahead. Grind away.
Earlier that day, I was dwelling in my inability to survive the ride; my own two feet would not carry me from this wreckage, not this time. All I felt there was left to do was grip the cold bar, do my best to keep breathing, and ride it out. The blisters on my hands were no match for the jerks of the track and my once kung-fu-death-grip on the now metallic crimson bar had gone slick, to the beat of my slowing pulse. I could have sworn I had calluses for such an occasion but they were long gone. I had been soaking in the love and freedom of complete surrender before the ride began, and the scars of my past had been slipping off me day by day.
I had given up ever fighting a battle such as this and prayed the day would never come.
But now, after fleeing the space time continuum abyss where not even light escapes the pull of the vortex,
I liberated my hands.
Held them trembling to my heart.
Fell to my knees and between sobs fell words only a father could understand,
"All I want is you.
All I want is you.
All I want is you."
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