Life to me used to be a list of probabilities. Not literal mathematical pursuits of chance, just roundabout ones.
What are the chances that I'll ever be a size 7?
What are the chances I'll ever be a DI athlete?
What are the chances of me ever fitting in?
I'd easily settle for just flying under the radar. The driving force of my ambitious lifestyle was to somehow hide parts of myself that I believed strangers could see. Since I knew I couldn't ever pass for normal, I decided to mask myself with extraordinary. Maybe I wouldn't actually achieve the things I aspired to but I would at least allow them to dominate my identity. When you wrap yourself around things like a starfish, you can't weigh the odds of being found out... of being revealed. If you slow down the blur around you settles too, this world can be pretty scary in the light.
I've been lucky to experience some amazing things, they filled a huge void in my life and I'd like to say I heeded His warning about the whole "Thou shall not have other gods before me" thing... but it would only be drown out by the echo of the many doors that so graciously slammed.
Subtleties are there. He whispers. He calls us away. His word. The words of people who warn, who beg and plead. "Don't go down to those rocks, don't wrap your heart around something it was not made for". We get tossed around once, twice. We wander. We forget the words. Forget the path. We isolate... and then we begin to receive lies like they are the water we are so desperate for. It's bitter but we don't care. We thirst. He knows we thirst... doesn't He? What does He expect?
Believe. Obey. Worship.
My life has been spent weighing my options yet somehow, by nothing short of grace, He has taught me the importance of being still. He has coaxed me down from some sheer and dangerous cliffs and romanced my heart in a way that makes my obedience feel nothing like shackles. I look back at the treachery from a distance and it fans to flame a desire to love fellow starfish.
Have you ever been ripped from the rocks?
It is true that He loves us right where we are. The beautiful truth of what He did on the cross is that He loves us too much to leave us there.
When I stand on His word, believe in His promises... I look beyond the limits of logic and can almost hear the excitement in His whisper,
"Just wait til you see what's next..."
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! ~Psalm 34:8
