Psalm 34:8

Life to me used to be a list of probabilities. Not literal mathematical pursuits of chance, just roundabout ones.

What are the chances that I'll ever be a size 7?


What are the chances I'll ever be a DI athlete?


What are the chances of me ever fitting in? 


I'd easily settle for just flying under the radar. The driving force of my ambitious lifestyle was to somehow hide parts of myself that I believed strangers could see. Since I knew I couldn't ever pass for normal, I decided to mask myself with extraordinary. Maybe I wouldn't actually achieve the things I aspired to but I would at least allow them to dominate my identity. When you wrap yourself around things like a starfish, you can't weigh the odds of being found out... of being revealed. If you slow down the blur around you settles too, this world can be pretty scary in the light.

I've been lucky to experience some amazing things, they filled a huge void in my life and I'd like to say I heeded His warning about the whole "Thou shall not have other gods before me" thing... but it would only be drown out by the echo of the many doors that so graciously slammed.

Subtleties are there. He whispers. He calls us away. His word. The words of people who warn, who beg and plead. "Don't go down to those rocks, don't wrap your heart around something it was not made for". We get tossed around once, twice. We wander. We forget the words. Forget the path. We isolate... and then we begin to receive lies like they are the water we are so desperate for. It's bitter but we don't care. We thirst. He knows we thirst... doesn't He? What does He expect?

Believe. Obey. Worship.

My life has been spent weighing my options yet somehow, by nothing short of grace, He has taught me the importance of being still. He has coaxed me down from some sheer and dangerous cliffs and romanced my heart in a way that makes my obedience feel nothing like shackles.  I look back at the treachery from a distance and it fans to flame a desire to love fellow starfish.

Have you ever been ripped from the rocks?

It is true that He loves us right where we are. The beautiful truth of what He did on the cross is that He loves us too much to leave us there.

When I stand on His word, believe in His promises... I look beyond the limits of logic and can almost hear the excitement in His whisper,

"Just wait til you see what's next..." 






Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! ~Psalm 34:8

Pray.

What is one to do when their passion is violently thrown from a place of comfort and security into the unknown?

Pray.

I seem to use this answer a lot lately. Advice I use to cringe at is now the response I give to friends, my own inner voice, and in some cases complete strangers.

Part of me can’t help but wonder if I have by accident, despite all my non-conformist efforts and rebellious nature, arrived at the ‘Christian Cliché’. But then I remember that me and my puny little mind cannot possibly understand the direction of my life from an exterior viewpoint. Whether it be ‘cliché’ or not, I can no longer afford to view my life through such an old lens. One that does not take into account the complete mystery and sovereignty of the very real and living God. 

Pray.

See, there are so many voices I’ve listened to. Had ears for. I may not even be aware of how I take in the ideas and opinions of the world, but there they are. Filters. Filters. Filters. Even the most beautiful words can be tainted through an ugly heart and once you have become accustomed to the opinions and viewpoints of this world what began as mere ‘awareness’ can turn to ‘dependence’.

We HAVE to know what people think. About… everything. Not only do we have the technology to prove it but also the tendencies. Have you noticed how we avoid stillness? We have even renamed it, deeming all moments void of conversation as “awkward silence”. I would have never realized this unfortunate personal quality until I befriended someone whom I was actually comfortable with in complete silence. Of course with most friends there are those valleys between conversation where we breathe, stretch, maybe get a glass of water or use the restroom but for the most part we are filling our time with talk and then its time to tweet about it or leave. I’ll never forget how unusual it felt when I was finally comfortable just sharing some space with someone.

Two people in the same room who have complete peace.

For me, this is what prayer does. I seek God with something(s) on my heart and the most amazing thing happens. I hope more than anything you know what I’m saying (without saying it) not only because I am oh so terrible at explaining such important things but because it is this intimacy with Him that there are no words for.

Pray.

I get on HIS page instead of trying to pull and push and drag Him onto mine. (I never quite accomplish that btw). The truth of his sovereignty is so liberating. God’s will wins battles over my own, every time.

I’ve learned that submission and obedience are better than any battle I could ever win on my own (even the most seemingly righteous ones). I’m done fighting the blessings He has for me and the only wars I have the desire to take on are the ones He calls me into. I’m not so sure what they may be, but right now I am thankful for the stillness and peace in my heart from spending some time in a silent room with the lover of my soul, my savior, my best friend.  

I pray you practice seeking Him. I pray you come to ENJOY it thoroughly